Our older son turned 13 last week. We now officially have three teenagers in the house, at least for the summer. All of a sudden, it seems that I am answering more questions than I am asking, a clear shift in my parenting experience. Usually I ask, no one answers, I ask again and then I yell. This pattern has suited us all fine for 19 years. In an effort to spare many of you the angst of coming up with answers to teenage questions, here are some of the ones I have used recently, followed by what I really wanted to say, i.e. the truth.
Q: Why don’t you ever make anything I like for dinner?
A: If you let me know at the beginning of the week what you would like, I will
happily make it for you.
T: I hope your wife is a lousy cook.
Q: Why does he (the youngest) get better treatment all of the time?
A: I respond nicely to him because he treats me nicely.
T: I like him better, so there.
Q: Where are my clothes?
A: I put them in your room.
T: They are the only garments actually on a hanger.
Q: Where is my cup (you know, that kind of cup)?
A: I put it in your room.
T: Why do I have to know where that thing is all the time? I obviously don’t wear
one.
Q: Where is my homework?
A: I put it on your desk.
T: Are you people lazy or just stupid?
Q: How long do I have to help you?
A: An hour or so would be great.
T: Until one of your limbs falls off.
Q: Why do you always say things to embarrass us?
A: I am not purposely trying to embarrass you.
T: Hee-hee-hee.
Q: Why don’t you like this outfit?
A: You’re so pretty that I want to see you in something that flatters you.
T: Because it is ugly and makes you look like a tart.
Q: Why doesn’t he like me?
A: Because he doesn’t know a great person when he meets one.
T: Thank God.
Q: Why won’t you let me stay out late/go to that party/hang out with him?
A: I don’t think it is the best choice.
T: Because I love you more than you will ever know.
I met a great guy the other day, Sam Lewis. He just wrote a book called “Don’t Be an Idiot,” a relationship book of sorts for men. You can find it online at: don’tbeanidiot.com. It would make a great Father’s Day gift!